Sometimes, I just hate myself,,, I always deny what my heart is trying to tell me. I put in hope that what my heart told me would not happen. But in the end, it turn out my heart was telling the truth, the truth I can see and feel through people's eyes. It was like a curse, being able to do this. I have indeed tried hard to deny it.. deny what I feel, what I can see and put in hopes and efforts believing that somehow I could change it; somehow things is not as bad as I felt and thought. But, I failed... and what I get is the ugliest truth that my heart told me.
Sometimes I just hate myself... only being able to become a bystander and overseeing everything in front of me, but I couldn't do anything about it. Yes, anything... Its only words, but words is enough to pierce through my heart and cause the pain or should I call it an eternal pain. No matter how hard I'm trying even have to beg to save it from the evil world; no matter how hard I have prayed hard every single night just to hope to feel a love which i can't feel since a long time ago, once again, I am just proving myself that I am walking towards failure. Why? Why it has to be me? Man... I seriously do not know the answer.
Sometimes I just hate myself... for being too emotional.. for being not able to speak out my thought and my words in such condition. If I could speak properly, things would have gone so much better with the firmness of my words.
Sometimes I just hate myself... for losing passion towards things in life; for feeling numb in things. I am very eager in finding new and exciting things to keep myself feeling alive. I am so scare that I could not feel the rhythm of my heart, could only feel pain.. So scare.. Sometimes I asked myself, "am I alive?".. I smile, I laugh, keeping all my expressions alive in front of people but am I alive? I can be the happiest person in the world but at the same time, I am a sad person. Remember?? In order to gain happiness, we have to bear with the same level of unhappiness to feel our self is worth for the happiness.
Well, I am just being a shadow of the day.. no worries, readers.. I will be fine soon enough cause I won;t give up easily.. Chao~~
P/S : I am a lonely wolf
Regards,
Ying
May God Bless You Always +
Sometimes I just hate myself... only being able to become a bystander and overseeing everything in front of me, but I couldn't do anything about it. Yes, anything... Its only words, but words is enough to pierce through my heart and cause the pain or should I call it an eternal pain. No matter how hard I'm trying even have to beg to save it from the evil world; no matter how hard I have prayed hard every single night just to hope to feel a love which i can't feel since a long time ago, once again, I am just proving myself that I am walking towards failure. Why? Why it has to be me? Man... I seriously do not know the answer.
Sometimes I just hate myself... for being too emotional.. for being not able to speak out my thought and my words in such condition. If I could speak properly, things would have gone so much better with the firmness of my words.
Sometimes I just hate myself... for losing passion towards things in life; for feeling numb in things. I am very eager in finding new and exciting things to keep myself feeling alive. I am so scare that I could not feel the rhythm of my heart, could only feel pain.. So scare.. Sometimes I asked myself, "am I alive?".. I smile, I laugh, keeping all my expressions alive in front of people but am I alive? I can be the happiest person in the world but at the same time, I am a sad person. Remember?? In order to gain happiness, we have to bear with the same level of unhappiness to feel our self is worth for the happiness.
Well, I am just being a shadow of the day.. no worries, readers.. I will be fine soon enough cause I won;t give up easily.. Chao~~
P/S : I am a lonely wolf
Regards,
Ying
May God Bless You Always +
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