Tiny experience that brings healing to me

Something strikes me today; that makes me feel ever grateful to God. He works in mysterious ways, so dumb of me to only realised today. 

Long story short, i find myself playing with my best friends espresso machine with his favourite coffee beans (obviously not the ones i bought for him coz it turns out they are filter roast 😂). 

The last time i did that was 18 years ago when i worked as barista and studied at the same time in aussie. By now you probly figured i have forgotten all that i learnt back then and it is just so embarassing and humbling when i stares at his machine knowing nothing lmao. 

Instead of the normal portafilter, i was convinced by him to try the bottomless portafilter which concerns me alot that i will not do it right and dirtied his apartment after hearing his warnings 😂😂😂. 

After all the ding dongs from difficulty in grinding the coffee beans till prepare them for the espresso machine... finally it's time to brew! 

At this point i am listening to every abc steps that my best friend taught me hahaha. Once the button pressed, i am excited and worry at the same time waiting for the coffee to drip. 

Suddenly out of nowhere, he reminded me to observe the coffee dripping from the bottomless portafilter. 

Oh boy, i swear when i looked down; it was such a beautiful moment, watching coffee dripping slowly from the bottomless filter. And i can never get enough of that moment ever. Something in me just felt the joy and i experienced some healing happening inside of me that i could not pin point. 

I know i might be talking gibberish now and for many, this is just a normal daily thing that people who drinks coffee do often. It awaken something inside of me which is long gone in silence. The passionate side of me towards life. The things i used to enjoy doing and never get tired of it. 

It is amazing how small things in our daily life still able to inspire us and impacted us. At this point, i can only feel grateful beyond words and continue to strive to feel that way when i am about to receive the blessings to come. 

This might be the time. Actually, this IS the season to receive what i am due to receive all these while. I think i am ready for what's coming, Lord. +

P.S Grateful, grateful and just grateful. I hope he loves the beans i got him 😅

Take away my desires

In the midst of heavy assignments, i find myself splitting to many faces at the same time and struggling to keep up. 

Multiple versions of me acting at the same time is not fun at all; crushing my soul from the inside. I am needing all the peace in the world rn. 

I did not ask to feel this way nor i did not wish for this to happen either. I have never even asked for it at the first place. Each time i have my life all figured and plan out, there's always something unexpected happened and disrupted everything. What a joke this is. I am trying to stay contented here. 

My heart aches knowing that this is not worth it. 

In this generation filled with nonchalant people, here i am wondering where do i belong? 

I am tired of being the bigger person,

I am tired of being a selfless person,

I am tired of being over considerate,

I am tired of being strong and independent,

Yet i have to faced the world,

Yet i have to act like my age even when i am not ready (i will never be ready),

Yet unexpected things still happening to me,

Yet i find myself trap in my own world once again, feeling empty inside. 

I did not ask for this, Lord. What is the purpose? I have no more spiritual strength to handle those challenges anymore. I wish to surrender and just let things runs its course. 

Ying

Please, take away my desires. I am begging not to feel this way desparately. 

Kinda speechless at this point of life

Every time I start to write, it means I am going to a new phase of life. 

And today is 2026. Looking at all my previous posts as wintersnoopy, I slowly remember who I am, who I used to be, and what I will do soon. 

I started this blog way back in 2005. This blog continues to astonish me for surviving this long (the heck it did 😏). 

Well, I will just pop in and keep writing. Thank you for accompanying me all these years, even during the current times, wintersnoopy. 

Ying

Thanks for dragging me out from the corner of the room, kiddos. About time.