In the midst of emotional roller coaster these few days (more like chasing my own tail *facepalm*), feeling something is amiss all the time. Is this another misconception of mine? Is this a trial? Can i trust my own feelings & judgement? I am pretty sure my body is being very honest at this point of time.
As I am going through all the trials and tribulations, I find myself intensely yearning for Christ; for the holy spirit in me (Nope, not another P&W session, pfft). Every little things that's happening around me are like messages and I not sure which one to take in. As if the situation is making me to learn that I have to let go of trying to control but to put my trust and let things fall into places regardless of the pain, joy and what may come.
Apparently the only option that i have for myself is kinda clear (hard to make myself to admit that), IT IS TO BE OR NOT TO BE (heck, why am I being so poetic in the early morning?). I could see that particular barrier in front of me now but i am stuck. Do i have the courage to cross that barrier even it might means i will lost literally everything; even when it hurts? Is that barrier JUST a misconception of mine all along as what the societies and professionals claimed?
God, you alone are holy, are worthy and only you alone deserve my praise. Me, on the other hand; kept on questioning my own existence and worthiness in this world. In my own world and my own definition, in nature i am just a fucked up and confused being; often contradicting myself within myself (hence fucked up and confused wearing a perfect rational & innocent mask) with inner dialogues (yes, i am a psycho).
Please, walk beside me Lord, don't ever leave me alone. Be my tomorrow, i give you my weaknesses, you give me your strength.
Ying,
Sheldon wannabe?
