=_= Tag by Evangeline

Readers saw the yellow pointer? She is Evangeline, the girl and my best friend who is studying in Curtin Perth rite now who tagged me!!!! haha.. this is my second time got tag oo.. The oen who got a big 'X' is Hisham since he does not related to this blog post.. haha.. I'm so Evil!!! Continue...

1. At what age do you wish to marry?

Well, if I have a chance to be a person's wife (wonder who).... I will marry when I am around 25 or 28 .. The percentage of getting breast cancer is higher bah if I give birth after 28.. see.. a reason to force myself to get married before 28.. lol huh.. which mean i only have 5 to 8 years left.. huhu.. I have to have my own career and traveling here and there.. I hope I am in time to finish what I wanted to do before I get married.. I always pray to God that I will get a fine husband who are committed to form a family like me.. t give the best for the family... To educate our children with the best we have.. hmm.. I wonder what kind of children "we" will have if we did have our future.. lol

2. What will you do when you feel really emo?

The most common thing I will cry alone at home.. without people knowing.. sometime I feel that I have the self-torture symptom.. gosh... I often feel I am alone in this world.. shut myself in my own thoughts.. thinking when will prince turn up to give me his shoulder to me? nah, world is reality and cruel.. I have to stand up by myself..

3. What do you have in your mind now?

What's in my mind?.. like i said before.. my brain can multi task(not for good things la.. oopsss).. Apart from my assignments.. I always think of things that i appreciate and HIM.. I always save some time before I sleep to think about him and pray for him..

4.Where is the place that you want to go most?

Definitely backpack trip in Europe!!!!!!

5.If you have one dream to come true, what would it be?

My deepest wish is to have my own happily ever after family.. a family which can sustain over hard times, good times and learning...

6.Do you believe in seeing the rainbow after the rain?

Why not? I have always seen rainbow after the rain.. but not nowadays la..

7.What are you afraid to lose the most right now?

My hardly connected family, friends I love most and HIM...

8. What cheers you up for the rest of the day?

When he do something that surprise me... And something that care for me and encourage me to go through the rest of my day with laughter..

9.If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?

In fact I have done it

10.List out three good things of the person who tagged you.

She has a strong will.. She is nice.. she is definitely the friend that i can remember for the rest of my life... Rmbr I am your top 10 customer oo!! hehe

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?

We serve the same God. He must have the same objective like I do.. The most important thing is he is willing to learn and grow with me together through hard times and good times

12.What type of person do you hate the most?

well, I use to have the person that i hate last time but now.. I am trying to not use the word hate anymore.. just dislikes will do..

13.What would you do if you won a million dollars?

Buy a house? and also save money for my sisters...

14.What is your ambition?

Be a good person with good job, a good lover, a good wife and the most important thing is a good mother

15.What would you wanna be after you're dead?

I can actually choose to be what I wanna be? syok

16. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?

My too straight forward attitude la..

17. What is your favourite colour?

Blue, Purple, black...

18.What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

To live out my own life

19. If there’s one thing in your life you want to do but yet unable to, what would it be?

To redo all my mistakes I have done in the past which make me regrets..

20. What would you do if tomorrow was the last day of the world?

Do whatever that I want to do and say I LOVE YOU to my dearest people around me

Ok.. my turn to tag.. here goes..

nah.. tagging should end here.. hehe

P/S : Evan I Miss you...

Regards,
Ying
May God Bless You Always +

Different..

What do you feel when you think you are so different from someone? What do you feel when you are trying to be similar to them but you can't?

Before I fall for him, I did realise the GAP between us. But, the blindness of love has covered me; causing me unable to concern on the difference between us and took the risk of putting my heart into it. It's sweet, tempting and surprising. But now, as I suddenly realise and see the GAP between us.. My heart felt so heavy as if a spear pierce through it. I was thinking why am I still dreaming and putting effort to make things work after I got all the upsets. Its not that the effort is not worth it but I have tried to narrow down our gap. Tried to be in his position, to be in his circle of friends, to be understanding as much as I can. For the moment
when I look at him, then I look into myself.. In what way that I can ever be the one? No, I can't find any reason.

Indeed, waiting for someone is very painful. It's like you are slowing down your time just to wait and hope. It is a risk that requires extreme braveness to bear with cause in the end of the waiting, we never know we will reach our goal or vice versa. I have chosen the path of waiting and me too, have to bear with the difficulties I will be facing during the waiting especially the intention of giving up. I am fighting towards that intention. I always convince myself that he has a lot of priorities and not enough time. I am just a passenger in his life. Well, let see how it ends.

I won't give up so easily in loving him.. like how he work hard for the things he loves.. I want to do something for him to ease his burden.. I could be his prayer of hope, I could be his dream, I could be his worry partner, i could be his romantic soul, i could be the one. I've promised him.. I do not want to break the promise no matter how hard it is for waiting him.

These few days will be busy going church for Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday. Gam ba teh!!!

P/S : Always Think of Our God And Love God For What God Has Done For Us.

Regards,
Ying
May God Bless You Always +

Sometimes, I Just Hate Myself

Sometimes, I just hate myself,,, I always deny what my heart is trying to tell me. I put in hope that what my heart told me would not happen. But in the end, it turn out my heart was telling the truth, the truth I can see and feel through people's eyes. It was like a curse, being able to do this. I have indeed tried hard to deny it.. deny what I feel, what I can see and put in hopes and efforts believing that somehow I could change it; somehow things is not as bad as I felt and thought. But, I failed... and what I get is the ugliest truth that my heart told me.

Sometimes I just hate myself... only being able to become a bystander and overseeing everything in front of me, but I couldn't do anything about it. Yes, anything... Its only words, but words is enough to pierce through my heart and cause the pain or should I call it an eternal pain. No matter how hard I'm trying even have to beg to save it from the evil world; no matter how hard I have prayed hard every single night just to hope to feel a love which i can't feel since a long time ago, once again, I am just proving myself that I am walking towards failure. Why? Why it has to be me? Man... I seriously do not know the answer.

Sometimes I just hate myself... for being too emotional.. for being not able to speak out my thought and my words in such condition. If I could speak properly, things would have gone so much better with the firmness of my words.

Sometimes I just hate myself... for losing passion towards things in life; for feeling numb in things. I am very eager in finding new and exciting things to keep myself feeling alive. I am so scare that I could not feel the rhythm of my heart, could only feel pain.. So scare.. Sometimes I asked myself, "am I alive?".. I smile, I laugh, keeping all my expressions alive in front of people but am I alive? I can be the happiest person in the world but at the same time, I am a sad person. Remember?? In order to gain happiness, we have to bear with the same level of unhappiness to feel our self is worth for the happiness.

Well, I am just being a shadow of the day.. no worries, readers.. I will be fine soon enough cause I won;t give up easily.. Chao~~

P/S : I am a lonely wolf

Regards,
Ying
May God Bless You Always +

Enough Dreaming.. Semester Started!

Alright! Enough with all the feelings talk man.. second week of new semester 2008 is approaching in a very fast speed. So, stop my drama queen dilemma and let's get the work done!

had a pretty bad start in the first week. Timetable arrangement still ok but I have to attend classes everyday every morning. sigh.. Was enrolled for International Management (regretted); Facilities & Operational Management; Economics 100 and Organizational Behavior. That is when my nightmare started. At the end of the week, I have decided to drop out Organizational Behavior and replace with Business Policy which I have missed the class for a week. I am stress out with the work load of Organizational Behavior and Mr Lew has drop a huge "Bomb" on the first class itself. I actually felt my palm is sweating! gosh..

Well, gonna have group assignments again like every semester but somehow this semester I have 4 group assignments have to complete. 2 group assignments (1 presentation) for International Management; 1 group presentation for facilities and the other for Business Policy. Gonna have 2 research paper to do this semester.

Surprisingly I actually did some revising before classes. haha.. The symptom of I am stress out with my units. lolzzzz .. Certain stress are effective enough to keep me moving. yay.. I'm improving.. =P

The workload adjusted are quite fine and I will be busy for the whole semester with other stuffs as well such as participating in clubs, gonna organized a small event but most likely not and some activities as well. Still considering on the decision to go back to Love Dancer. Yes, I am trying my best to walk out of my own world and comfort zone. Trying to get around and involve in more people which I still having a problem with it.

In the mean while, still making choices for certain matters. Let's see how it goes. Evan, Roger, Amanda and those friends who are in Perth.. Miss you guys a lot XD

P/S : It's Gonna Be A Retarded Semester Again... Kelvin Be Prepared =P || All the Best for Foundation Orientation

Regards,
Wintersnoopy
May God Bless You Always +

Wondering

hmm.. have been wondering a lot recently.. too many questions in my head..

Wondering when will my waiting ends??? Sometimes waiting makes me suffer. The reason behind is I am waiting for unknown answer. I might waiting for a disappointed ending. Scare of losing things that I really sincere with. Scare that I am actually a burden. Sometimes being understanding means troubling myself. I guess that is why some people keep saying themselves "It's complicated". haha

Wondering how should I make my choices.. Currently I have 2 choices to make.. either go or stay. If I stay, will things change according to what I want? If I go, does that mean that I have no more chances? sigh.....

Wondering when will my dream come true.. I know.. this is a stupid wonder.. but still, I still keep a tiny hope on it. Got see the prince today.. hohoho... when he is busy. I do not really dare to disturb him. I am trying to be understanding as possible but today I had become a little bit unreasonable. So sorry.. But trust me, I am appreciating every minute that we have here. Prince has gave me a warm message that day. I am so surprised that he will did that. Feel so warm and yup.. for the rest of my day.. I am so energetic in class.. lolzzz.. really wanna let the prince know missing him so much, feel empty if did not hear from him even its only one single day. Wanna tell prince everything but fear that being too honest will only hurt myself. The princess do not want the prince to think that she is cheap and like have nothing to do and wasting life here.

Good news is.. I am still encouraging and motivating myself to move on. Well, I am trying.. Just let it be la.. If It's mine.. mine lo.. If its not.. it's fate lo.. Time will give me the answer that I want eventually. Just have to continue being myself. I may look illogical to people but am I really that weird? I am proud of my unique self.

P/S : Used some Lame metaphor again.. swt"""

Regards,
Ying
May God Bless You Always +