Take away my desires

In the midst of heavy assignments, i find myself splitting to many faces at the same time and struggling to keep up. 

Multiple versions of me acting at the same time is not fun at all; crushing my soul from the inside. I am needing all the peace in the world rn. 

I did not ask to feel this way nor i did not wish for this to happen either. I have never even asked for it at the first place. Each time i have my life all figured and plan out, there's always something unexpected happened and disrupted everything. What a joke this is. I am trying to stay contented here. 

My heart aches knowing that this is not worth it. 

In this generation filled with nonchalant people, here i am wondering where do i belong? 

I am tired of being the bigger person,

I am tired of being a selfless person,

I am tired of being over considerate,

I am tired of being strong and independent,

Yet i have to faced the world,

Yet i have to act like my age even when i am not ready (i will never be ready),

Yet unexpected things still happening to me,

Yet i find myself trap in my own world once again, feeling empty inside. 

I did not ask for this, Lord. What is the purpose? I have no more spiritual strength to handle those challenges anymore. I wish to surrender and just let things runs its course. 

Ying

Please, take away my desires. I am begging not to feel this way desparately.