Reality kicks in

I guess, i have always knew what's your plans for me all along.. but depression, anxiousness, uncertainties and worries still kick in. 

There are times even when you said do not be afraid but i still do under certain circumstances. There are times i just wanna explore different scenarios.. knowing that your plans has always been not to harm me but to prosper me. 

There must be a reason why I am created in the way i am after all these years from your sculpting. 

I knew she is God sent when I first met her.  I have never imagined anyone or anything be able to bring such a big impact to my long dead heart but it happened. There are countless times i have wished this particular crossed path, this plans that you have for me now; will not split into different directions.

Reality is, we all know best that this will be one of the best encounters i am facing in my life (just like 10 years ago) but a short and painful one to let go. All the courage, bittersweet moments, challenges, synergies, hardships and best of all, LOVE; will be a new support mechanism for the days to come in serving you. 

The human side of me is so weak that even though i know it's impossible and i should stay away, my heart still longs for it. Please grant it to me so that i have no regrets; only if it is your will for me to experience it. 

Into your hands, I surrender. Only you know best, despite my feelings.

Heavenly father, i am tired. For many times i just wanna return to home, to where you are. I longed for your call.